Pacing the Cage

We Praise You, Oh God, for Beautiful Movies

2009-11-11T14:36:00.003-05:00

Showed my German housemate Das Leben den Anderen (The Lives of Others) last night. I knew it was great, but I had forgotten just how beautiful that film is.

Something that you do

2009-11-10T18:57:00.000-05:00

Lord, as I stand before
you now and humbly wait,
I am hoping that you will
elucidate
all the thoughts and acts and feelings
that always have me reeling
in my spirit, in my mind,
and at my core.

Is that something that you do?

People, they have told me
–well, when people are talking–
just to let you hold me,
just to keep on walking,
but if that’s all that there is, this
seems a passive kind of business
and I need to know there’s nothing
that you’re waiting on me for.

Is that something that you do?

Yes, holy father, I admit
I love and trust you,
but sometimes I wonder
what I trust you with,
trust you to do.
I know there has to be a line
somewhere between your jobs and mine,
and I need that line defined.

Is that something that you do?

Choose Your Own Frustration

2009-11-07T00:03:00.002-05:00

Brett is new to the umbrella scene. Do you know...

a) How to keep from being buffeted by the wind like Mary Poppins while holding a sail over your head? If so, skip to (e). If not, continue reading with (b).

b) How to stop the spines/spokes from being bent by the wind into unsightly angles? If so, skip to (e). If not, continue reading with (c).

c) How to return said spines/spokes to straight umbrella-shaped lines? If so, skip to (e). If not, continue reading with (d).

d) Congratulations! You are Brett, and your new umbrella has been buffeted into irrevocable and unsightly angles.

e) You are wise in the ways of the umberell. Share your knowledge with your less enlightened friends.

Newsletter Action

2009-11-01T17:50:00.001-05:00

Hello all!

I have now been in Vancouver, British Columbia for about 2 months, and I am settling in. The first couple of weeks were a rough transition, but I have been learning about how to get around the city (by bus, mainly, which takes forever) and where to find what.

Money has been very tight, as there have been some complications with donations. We have discovered, for one, that US dollar donations are only eligible for Canadian tax receipts. Unfortunately, Living Waters Canada has no agency to provide US tax receipts! So, my apologies to those of you who have donated and are looking for your receipt. We’ve talked with the people from Living Waters in the US, but they are unable to help us with this matter.

Another problem with donations has been that the Canadian government views the processing of donations for me as a type of paycheque, something that I am not allowed to receive in my role as an unpaid intern. Consequently, though I have received a good amount in donations, those funds have not been able to reach me yet. Please pray for this situation. For those who are not able to receive tax receipts anyway (what a mess, eh?), making donations directly to me may be the best way to get around this, but I do hope for a solution soon.

As long as I’m into the bad news, there is one other matter for which I would appreciate prayer. I am currently living in a house with two other Christian men. Unfortunately, one of those men is not what many would refer to as stable. There have been a few violent outbursts and uncomfortable interactions in the house. I am not sure if I should move out or ride it out. Please pray that discernment and positive change can occur in this area.

And one last piece of bad news…my computer recently required $700 worth of repairs. Just what I needed.

Now, for the good news!

I am loving every minute of my work with Living Waters! The staff is incredible, the atmosphere is redemptive, and the projects are exciting. Recently, we completed construction on two new offices in order to accommodate the large number of interns this year. I am now sharing an office a fellow American, Matt Martin, who is in charge of the River program (more about this in a minute). Matt is a great guy, and we’re the same age and have similar ministry goals, so I think it will be a great working environment.

Let me take a minute to introduce you to our national staff. Toni is the head of Living Waters Canada. Daniel is the BC coordinator. Ricky and Alison work on the administrative side of things. Kirsten is in charge of interns and special events. Matt runs the River, as already stated. My fellow interns are Shelfie (from Indonesia), Maria (from Victoria, BC), and Adam (from Newfoundland). Our office space is also shared with the International China Concern, the Ratanak Foundation (which deals with the Cambodian sex trade), and the Pacific Counseling Group. It’s a great group, and I enjoy everyone who works here.

But speaking of work, what do I actually do? I get asked that a lot, and as an intern, the answer (of course) includes “whatever needs done”. But Living Waters Canada is not like every other office out there, and they view the internship program as a service to us, the interns, instead of to them. Therefore, my schedule is entirely structured around what I want and need out of my experience here.

Much of that involves personal growth and development, including spiritual direction, counseling, prayer, study, and ministry training. But it also involves the use of my skills and gifts.

We are currently in the middle of creating a specific Canadian manual for our Living Waters courses. (Until now, we have used the American edition.) I am in charge of soliciting and editing personal testimonies from across Canada for inclusion in this manual as well as the editing of new content and the writing of one chapter. Obviously, all that keeps me busy, but I love it.

Another big project I’m involved with is the reshaping of The River. The River is the regular Living Waters course adapted for teens and young adults. The material has been run in Canada a couple times, but it is over a decade old and uneven in quality. We are in the process of reimagining it form the ground up. It’s pretty exciting! I have been able to write a number of dramatic scenes for inclusion and to help in presenting the material to the seniors at a local Christian high school.

That’s a brief rundown of my days here. There’s a lot more, and it’s been great. God is really ministering to me through my time here. I am maturing and growing more confident in my gifts and skills. I am learning how to interact in healthy Christian relationships of different kinds. I am growing in my faith and in my identity in Christ. It’s an exciting time! Thanks for being a part of it!

-Brett Alan Dewing
2648 E 45 Avenue
Vancouver BC V5R 3C1
Canada

778-848-5444

Not that I'm going to get all proud about it

2009-10-14T12:26:00.004-04:00

I am in the majority. At least, I have been most of my life. I am a white American man. We're a dime a dozen.

But I have always felt that these three things, being Caucasian, male, and American, were the worst things to be. I have seen such arrogance and abuse of power among these groups, and as an English student, I learned quickly that I was the oppressor. I moved to Canada, and I learned that being American was the least desirable nationality.

I have, largely unaware, felt much shame over this identity. No more. I refuse to feel shame for my gender, race, or nationality anymore.

Deal with it.

Me and the Pope, baby

2009-10-10T16:16:00.002-04:00

I am excitedly starting to read Karol Wojtyla (Pope John Paul II)'s play "THe Jeweler's Shop". The introduction excites me by describing his theatre style as such:

"it is not a play of external action but a drama of moral attitudes"

and

"a drama of inner development, recounted in both the past and the present, as if reflecting a metaphysical perspective"

In other words, he writes play like mine!

Theatre of Being forever!

Random Shadows and Light

2009-10-08T00:16:00.003-04:00

The daily Metro paper here ran a story yesterday about the potential Egyptian ban on "fake virginity kits". It explained that in the Middle East these things were serious because "premarital sex can sometimes be considered illicit"!

Almost unrelated, I've seen a couple of ads I quite like lately. There are the beer (which brand?) posters that quote Shakespeare's "We are for the dark" alongside Poe-y ravens, etc. Also love the (again beer) slogan "Carpe P.M."

And I think these ads for the transit police tip line are well-done:

So, I couldn't find a good picture of it. It says "Report the Suspicious, not the Strange" with a cartoon-rabbit-shaped hole in a door on one wide and a man with a crowbar at a door on the other.

Courier Online

2009-10-05T13:48:00.001-04:00

Check out the amazing new Christian Courier website!

The Table

2009-09-30T01:50:00.000-04:00

Shape is practicing grace. Even as you bleed

And stop. Carried on foreign legs to Joseph’s ring

Of earth while worn women winter-weep and plead

for something.

And is this the comfort? Your body decreed

Broken again? Your bloodflow everlasting?

With such timefulness, the press and flesh’s river swelled

In both directions, until you, carried by the staining flood,

Stretched on Eden’s tree, where one look beheld

both good

And evil. And by which of these was man felled?

Which more quickly froze his own blood?

When you have stripped it all to blue, the earth involves

Creating and shaping as sight revolves, resolves the eyes.

There is something of the waters here: hills that dissolve

to skies.

Your presence and your presentness evolve

With all the care your atworking implies.

The evidence of newborn hills, still soft and wet

With sky -- the proof and power of creation’s groans and the sign

That we tramp in the seventh day while the world ages and sets

like wine.

And who knows what beauty and majesty it may be yet:

Some newness the language of birds cannot define.

The anchoress has walked without a camera, with one hand plunged in

Puget Sound and the other in your exploding right.

She cries ‘Glorious! Incandescent!’ as she feels the spinning hole spin.

The light

That burned her wings is showing mine within

The Mirror of Day’s silver backing, Night.

It issues shimmering from shivering kingdom culverts. Before me

Tonight in light of its veilless valence I am able

To see each molecule vibrate within this glow-glory

table.

And I in trance substantial tell its story

Of insatiable realness, exorbitant and stable.

I am shell-shock shutter-eyed, burning light on light on light. Oh Master,

It is too real. The camera cracks, the paper peels

And behind is met by light. A blinding clarity as plaster

reels.

My sight and spirit break like alabaster

As oil and tears mingle at your heels.

This is what it means to see. To be consumed

By beauty movement newness and you you you --

The incarnation not done but entombed

for who-

Soever is willing to see your flesh perfumed,

Standing bare of burial cloth, now-new.

Strike me dazzle-dappled by inherent inerrancy on this mountain, and yet

Unmercifully fling the gospel of this gossamer gossipper as wide

As your teachings take me, eagle-back earthward and doubly-in-debt.

Tried,

I return -- lawladen, enraged, and welkin-wet

To the goldsmiths blinded by the sun on their blundering pride.

How can I teach them to understand your overlove when blind

Myself, with only these tablets, these tables, touched with trace

Of you, weighted by life and light, these altars son-wined,

and this face

To tell me Christ is kind: kinned and kind,

Cribbed in crisis of shape practicing grace?

In the Seventh Day

2009-09-29T17:40:00.003-04:00

In one of my favourite of my poems, I write

The evidence of newborn hills, still soft and wet

With sky -- the proof and power of creation’s groans and the sign

That we tramp in the seventh day while the world ages and sets

like wine.

And who knows what beauty and majesty it may be yet:

Some newness the language of birds cannot define.

While reading a chapter from Rob Bell's book, Sex God, I came across another nice way of putting it:

"[G]od has left the world unfinished. And with every action, we're continuing the ongoing creation of the world. The question is, What kind of world are we creating?"

Not a bad daily mantra.

More Stats

2009-09-24T16:36:00.002-04:00

The results of the questions I posed yesterday are as follows: 30% of Canadian teens knew that the sacred text of Islam was the Koran, 10% knew Abraham was the founding father of Judaism, and 22% could name Peter as the man who denied Christ. Not encouraging numbers for a multi-cultural country.

Another interesting facet of Bibby's findings is that while they value trust very highly, teens are pretty cynical about certain instances of trust. Only 31% believe that lawbreakers are almost always apprehended. Half of teens agree that when a stranger shows concern they're up to something. 53% feel that you can't be too careful in dealing with others.

As far as religion, 68% of Canadian teens identify with a religious tradition. 63% see the overall impact of organized religion on Canada to be positive. The number drops to only 48% when the impact of religion on the world at large is considered.

Oh, and 11% would rather live in the U.S.

Teen Global Awareness

2009-09-23T15:19:00.003-04:00

I continue to read Bibby, and I've just finished his section on information. He seems alarmed that teenagers are not following world news daily, despite their massive amounts of information interaction. Is this really surprising? Do teens ever follow the news that closely? Or am I just a product of my generation?

One interesting question he asked the teens in his survey was meant to determine levels of general awareness. He asked basic questions about 3 major religions:

1. What is the sacred book of Islam?

2. Who is the founding father of Judaism?

3. Who denied Christ 3 times?

Any guesses on the percentages of teens who knew these answers?

Teen Sex Overview

2009-09-21T17:31:00.002-04:00

What Bibby's statistics show is that in the past decade teen sexual activity has declined and the number of teenage virgins has increased. Teens are not very likely to engage in sex outside of what they view to be a love relationship. Students in religious schools and those who are regularly involved in a religious community are much less likely to engage in sex and have traditionally conservative sexual mores.

Overall, while acceptance for sexual practices has risen, today's teens are less sexually active than their parents were at their age.

Teen Sex Stats

2009-09-21T15:30:00.003-04:00

As part of my Living Waters work today, I'm reading Reginald Bibby's book, The Emerging Millennials, which summarizes the findings of a 2008 survey of Canadian teenagers.

There's lots of interesting, though not particularly surprising, material here, but I am, of course, most interested in the sexual views of Canada's teenagers.

Bibby has been conducting these surveys regularly for decades, but the trends of today's youth meant that they expanded moral viewpoint options from "Approve" and "Disapprove" to also include "Disapprove but Accept". (This third attitude he christens "The Canadian Way".)

So, for now, some stats on teens in Canada regarding their approval of various sexual practices:

Premarital sex when people love each other

72% approve, 19% disapprove but accept, and only 9% disapproving and not accepting

Premarital sex when people "like" each other

38% approve, 37% disapprove but accept, 25% disapprove and don't accept

Extramarital sex

5% approve, 17% disapprove but accept, 78& disapprove and don't accept

Sexual relations between two people of the same sex

44% approve, 28% disapprove but accept, 28% disapprove and don't accept

Donnie at Darko

2009-09-19T06:09:00.003-04:00

Tonight one of my (admittedly minor) dreams came true. I saw Donnie Darko on the big screen!

My first day in Vancouver, I noticed that the Rio was screening Donnie Darko at midnight on the 18th, but time had gotten away from me, and I didn't realize that the 18th was here. After a last-minute trip to that area and a good night talking with Walter, I walked to the bus-stop and saw the theatre. Suddenly, I remembered the date. And I'm glad I did!

There was a big line to see the film, which made me happy. I was the only one who sat in the front row, though, so it seemed like a private experience. It is such a beautiful and complex movie. Tonight, what struck me was the minor theme of using destruction, tragedy, and endings as a chance to leave behind something beautiful. And that such beauty is defined by earnest amateur endeavour, as contrasted by celebrated kitsch.

I hope that I have the grace, when unexpected finality occurs, to leave behind a "Cellar Door" for those who are hungry to hear it.

This is just to say...

2009-09-17T22:09:00.001-04:00

I really enjoyed both my jobs today! (all 3, if you count editing Walter's paper)

oh, and the plums were...alright.

Wrote this cathartically on Saturday...might as well post it

2009-09-17T00:36:00.004-04:00

Here at the edge

my spirit breaks wet on my mind

my selkie dreams

to slip it all

and swim out

out

further out

and

further in

to only swim

what is the weight

of one man's faith?

enough to anchor me here?

enough to sink beneath my bloated dreams?

sometimes

not enough to hold feet on ground

sometimes

not enough to feel substantive

sometimes

not sufficient

was i made for this?

to waste my mind on struggle

was not i made for freedom?

am i not from freedom?

to roll in and out

to shift and deposit

but hold life?

to hold

here at the end?

Spiritual Wars, Episode 4: a New Hope

2009-09-15T14:17:00.004-04:00

The last couple days I have been alarming people -- with good reason. A combination of new-province transition, penniless stress, and spiritual attack have mired me in a state of undefined melancholia and/or panic. It's been a very interesting weekend.

Things went south on Friday night, when abdominal cramps kept me awake and made me cancel my planned trip to Washington for a teacher certification test. As it turned out, I think I had a very different test.

Saturday was a day of almost comical sexual temptation. I was put face-to-face with it for a prolonged time, and although it left me oh-so-weak, I turned away and (thanks to a faithful friend) came through unscathed. At the end of that day, I was drained, but I felt it had been good in a grand sense. I had persevered, and God had provided sly reminders of His presence the whole time.

Sunday brought a different attack. Having failed with sexual temptation, Satan moved on to my other well-established weakness, self-worth. For no apparent reason, I was struck with crippling self-doubt and paralysis. Thankfully, Walter (again) and Michelle braved my toxic mood to speak encouragement and practical advice. Despite a strong flight impulse, I was able, with help, to brave the very environment I feared most for an hour. Again, I was wiped at the end of the day, and I felt generally crappy and homesick.

Monday saw a good day at work and more concern and love shown, this time by Adam and Matt, the very co-workers who can intimidate me at times. I had a good workday, but the instant I left the building, I started crying. Old familiar thoughts came rushing in, and I think that I countered them as best I could in my weakness. I felt the overwhelming impulse to reach out to others.

This is a pattern for me. I seek salvation, comfort, healing, and encouragement from others. And that's not a bad thing. But I often need to approach God for those things first. And so, though my friends were receptive, I set down my phone, closed my door, and faced the darkness in light. I decided to "let it out", eat, take my medication, get in bed and pray. And you know, the moment I tucked in, I was awash in peace. I felt ... completion. I suspect that I may have faced down a 40-day wilderness pre-ministry trial in 3 days and come out with a better sense of strength in weakness.

Is my homesickness over? I doubt it. Are my self-doubts old news? I wish. Will sexuality nevermore tempt me? Wouldn't that be nice. But. But I hope that I am no longer afraid to face these things in weakness. I hope that I have grown a little further in faith and trust. I hope.

And the silly thing is that the whole time, my mind wanted me to believe that people didn't care and God wasn't active. But writing this out proves the opposite. Look at the overwhelming love!

So, thank you for being concerned. I will not be afraid to be transparent with my weakness. But thank you even more for your prayers that have thus-far sustained me in this time of testing.

Babelized (adj.)

2009-09-10T20:11:00.004-04:00

I have added a new neologism to my vocabulary: Babelized. It comes from this line in the Caedmon's Call song, "I Did not Catch Her Name": "Their daughter moved to America, one more brick in the tower of Babel."

It refers to people, especially of a non-North-American heritage, who overthrow all history and culture in exchange for the Americanized cosmopolitan postmodern disaffection rampant among teens, in particular.

I stood next to such a one today on the bus: a girl of Indian descent in blandly trendy clothes (and standing directly in front of a tiny, ancient Indian woman in shawl and head-covering). She could not be bothered with the comfort and movement of the other passengers, as she told the person on her cell phone, "I know, sorry, I was doing my eyebrows." When we passed joggers in a park, she sneered, "Why are people running?" All the time, she shared one set of earbuds with her friend, punctuating her speech with "Oh! This song!"

Babelized youth.

Some random pictures

2009-09-08T20:58:00.003-04:00

For those who want an update.

2009-09-08T19:12:00.001-04:00

So, the first day of Living Waters-ness was good. Getting the rhythm of the city. Feeling out the roommate situation. Now, off to find groceries.

Glourious

2009-08-29T23:28:00.004-04:00

Just saw Inglourious Basterds, and it's wonderful! It is very Quentin in structure and tone and music. But it's also (big surprise) an homage to the great movies of the 40s. It's a little Casablanca, a little Notorious, and (dare I say it?) more than a touch Guy Maddin.

Great film, great script -- very classy, classic. Great directing and cinematography. Great acting and music. Just great. (How eloquent am I?)

Family estate

2009-08-22T19:57:00.006-04:00

This field, where once I saw two cows gamboling almost as high as each other's backs, drunk on their illicit freedom. This same covered in testimonial stalks standing witness to things human and holy -- remembering the man redeemed.

The burnpile, flame-untouched, now collecting shingles and delicate orange flowers. The colour of my mother's carpet: "The colour of the Holy Spirit."

These empty grounds, silent with trees, goldenrod. Couching a house that bursts forth children from age to age. This is the place of my youth -- the fields, the grounds, the unkept kempt yards of human conversation and child play. The aureole of place. An unmet placement.

It was here words gathered, fell on me from language clouds, and unheeded seeded my mind. Here, where every gap in fencing brush promised transport. Where every myth was written. Here, where I was written. Here.

And spiraling in, drawing nearer the roiling world of uncomfortable manhood. Sentences, snakes in the grass. Tamer under each step and less at ease. Drawing in to veggie patch, cellar hatches standing open, unexplored, the trojan horse ignored. Drawing in, the voices grow.

And strange crops as well. Spring caps, garden sheds, full-grown tractor beds ... and orange blossoms, hugging the farm-white walls. Nearing, nearer -- cultivation, rock gardens, flower beds. And on porches, chairs, through open doors -- wild orange faces. Talking.

Talking, talking, forming paths, ideas, stories -- old, new, renewed, retold. Smiling, garrulous, all-at-once words. Frightening, fecund. Like a pile of ants, a breach of uncles, a clutch of cousins. Talking.

Through bastioning curtains of speech, sentinel histories. Warning, beckoning, binding in. Into the walls and warm hands. Into the life of limb.

And past the doors. In those chambers and ventricles of life. Walls like paper, blood like ink. Double triple exposure. Into annals of life. What arks of this coven? What thrones of this kin? Here where bell-heeled priests may enter. Here I have come -- and from. Here I have longed -- and be.

Movie Minutes

2009-08-16T17:43:00.002-04:00

Right now is a very ripe season of movies I want to see. Below, my quick thoughts on what I've seen so far.

Julie & Julia -- Nice. I know nothing about Julia Child, but I enjoyed it. Amy Adams is finally beginning to do something other than her schtick.

Ponyo -- Hayao Myazaki's latest film. It was Miyazaki, for sure. I was a bit taken aback by the trippy over-full ocean scenes, but I loved the characters. I was so caught up in the emotion -- more than in most live action films. And Tina Fey manages to be strong and lovable even as a cartoon. Not the best Ghibli, but very good.

District 9 -- Very affecting in its maltreatment of refugees and racism elements. Maybe a bit too action-y in the second half. Good, but nothing I'll be raving about. Except that I know one of the digital artists in the credits!

The Time Traveler's Wife -- Surprisingly beautiful. So romantic. And ahhh, Rachel McAdams. Be my Canadian trophy wife. I think this was one of the most moving films I've seen in awhile. And watch out for the girls who play Alba! They're going to take the world by storm!

Singin' the praises of Singin' in the Rain

2009-08-15T01:14:00.004-04:00

I recently watched Singin' in the Rain -- again. It's such a wonderful film and the ultimate feel-good flick. You can't be sad watching it! This time around, I was struck by how thoughtful it is. It's not ONLY a slapstick musical comedy. It's also pretty sophisticated.

Singin' in the Rain actually has more in common with Moulin Rouge! than it does with Meet Me in St. Louis. The film is something akin to a jukebox musical. It's a movie about the birth of the movie musical, and it repurposes and re-enlivens songs from the very first movie musicals. Many don't know that most of the songs in Singin' in the Rain are not originals but well-known iconic pieces from MGM musicals of the 30s (let's just lump 1929 into the 30s for ease). It uses these beloved hit songs in new ways to both celebrate and send-up the musicals of that era.

Yes, Singin' in the Rain makes fun of its material as much as it revels in it. There is a very understated tongue-in-cheek mood to the fashions, plot, and music. The extras on the great 50th anniversary edition DVD make it clear that the designers were going for a subtle parody of the period, something lost to many who only know the period through films like Singin' in the Rain! What could be more postmodernist than this brand of parody that "undermines and underlines"?

Why, metafiction, for one. Genre exploration, for another. Both of these are seen in the strangest part of the film: the "Broadway Melody" ballet. The ballet was a fixture of early musicals. It seems bizarre now, but it was an integral ingredient then. The ballet of a musical takes place on a separate level of reality, one more stylized and symbolic. It is often, for this reason, a dream sequence or fantasy. In it, the plot and themes of the musical are presented in dance, in the remixed and metaphoric manner of dreams. It's heightened sentiment and short-cut synopsis tendencies show it to be a direct relative of the old dumbshow that used to open plays.

Singin' in the Rain quite rightly contains the mother of all ballets. It is a lengthy segment called "The Broadway Melody". The title of the ballet (and the song of the same name which is interwoven in the score) comes from the very first full movie musical, 1929's The Broadway Melody. The other ingredient in the music to the ballet comes from the 10th anniversary tribute to that film, The Broadway Melody of 1939. Therefore, when Gene Kelly and Cyd Charisse dance their way through Singin' in the Rain's "Broadway Melody", they are doing double tribute. By invoking the very first movie musical -- something that their characters are ostensibly creating -- as well as acknowledging the real-life tribute to that film, Kelly and Co. enter a very postmodernist world of layers of reality and allusion.

That theme of layers is also evident in the plot, which revolves around the disparity of public life, private life, and screen life and hinges on the layering of one person's voice onto another's image. Clearly, the makers of Singin' in the Rain were ahead of their time, creating a piece of cinema at the very early edge of the the dawn of postmodernism that incorporated the core elements of that movement and overlayed them onto an earlier era, the very early edge of the dawn of the movie musical -- which Singin' in the Rain has come to typify. How's that for layers of reality?